P.O.P. Day 11: You can't change them. You can only change yourself.

Change is hard. Everyone on the planet can tell you that. What is really hard is realizing that the only change that you really have control over is yourself. But that can make all the difference.

"The only way to change our lives is by changing our minds." ~Ross Cooper

I had a hard time with this concept at first. I thought, "Why should I be the one to change how I am or what I am thinking? They (insert a multitude of possibilities here) are the ones who should change." Then I read a book* that helped put things in perspective. Now I am not really one for self-help manuals (even though I love a good mantra), but it helped in a lot of ways because it wasn't about striving for perfection.

It stated, "You can't change them. You can change yourself." and discussed the Relationship Equation. "In the Relationship Equation (A+B=C), you are A, B is someone else, and C is the relationship you have with that person. You may never be able to change B, the other person, but that doesn't matter. You have to power to impact the relationship just by changing A, yourself. Being able to alter C, the relationship, is what matters and you can do it."

This has made a huge difference to me. I can never change the way my friend is always late, but I can change my expectations. I can not change some of my professional relationships, but I can change how much they effect me.

I have several friends who are struggling with their careers and what to do next, some struggling in relationships, some with family...Lord knows that I have been struggling with my relationship with my Mom since conception, I think. But I can't change her or her thoughts or her actions. What I can change is how I let those things shape my today and my tomorrows. I may just find that with these changes come peace.

Print by artist Julia Art of The Ink Society

* The Nine Rooms of Happiness, Lucy Danzinger & Catherine Birndorf, M.D., Hyperion 2010